My Heart is Broken...

Woke up yesterday and went about as usual with my morning routine. Mid-morning came and I realized one of my six cats (my babies) never came to the door to be let in, so I went out and called him. No sign of him.  Over the next few hours I went out several times to call him, and as the time went on the more afraid I got of him being gone.

Sam came home for lunch I asked if he had seen Smokey, and of course he hadn't since the night before. We went and had lunch as usual. As we came home, and approached the corner of were our house is Sam goes "Oh no" and I look out the window.  My poor baby Smokey was laying on the sidewalk, next to the fence, on the front side of our house. I would have never seen him from the front door, or where Sam parks during lunch.  Sam parked, I flew out of the car, and to him, but it was too late... he was already dead.  I suspect he was hit by a car, but I am not sure because he look fine.. like he was sleeping.

I lovingly wrapped his body up, and while Sam was back at work, I drove to the local vet and paid to have his body cremated.

I have cried so much in the last 24 hours that my eyes hurt, and feel raw. My heart is broken and I keep telling myself that it is my fault I should have made him come in before bed, looked for him sooner, just something so I could have saved him.  He was one of my two favorites of the clan, and I miss him so much. I will miss his head butts, his drool, his rolling over to have his belly rubbed... and most of all I will miss his love and affection.

RIP Smokey (May 28, 2012- January 8, 2013)



Afterthought: I know that cats are better off indoors, and believe me I tried from the time I brought him and his brother home from my parent's house in July until after the fair in October.  They wanted to be outdoors, and they would tear up the blinds and I couldn't have it.  They never spent more then a few hours out at a time, but now I wish I would have done more to keep them inside exclusively........